I don’t know if we are still talking at this point of the time.
If we stopped, maybe we have our own individual reasons.
But if we are still conversing with each other then I want you to know that you make me happy as a friend.
Some things had changed between us, and we can’t deny it.
There some things we wish we could say but we couldn’t.
And there are things we don’t want to say because we simply don’t want to hurt ourselves twice.
I always worry about this uncertainty—it is probably just me because I’m too emotional—that you are going to slip at any moment. That one day, this friendship between us will just stop for no reason; because maybe we got tired of trying, or one just do not feel the same anymore.
I agreed to friendship. But I try to treat you as only that as much as I can. But some nights, I remember things too much. A part of me is already familiar with your touch, words, mind, and you. To translate it into friendship is such a strange feeling.
But enough of the drama, nobody wants that. The nights we have spent together were perfect—well, at least for me—with you it is still different. I am different with you in such a good way that sometimes it feels so unreal.
When I asked about the intimacy part, it is not because I think it is the only thing you want but because I know you as a whole, and you aren’t that kind of a man.
Your heart is so soft, and you are well-raised. I asked because I did it with such indescribable feelings, not just with pleasure and it confused me to think that for you it was nothing. I was too afraid to ask, because I already know the answer.
This has been our longest interaction in a while and again, even though if we aren’t talking, or if we are still, I’m grateful for whatever it is that we momentarily had. This friendship was not like any other ones.
And I am scared of the future as much as you are. But we will get there some day. The now and tomorrow is already a future so we should work on that. The next minute, hours, days, weeks are already a part of the future and everything will turn out okay.
It was blissful. We practiced our kisses way too much and it was worth remembering.
I figured ex lovers can’t be friends. For me, but it is different for you. Maybe it was perfectly okay with you, I know you have gotten over the past.
I asked you when we were in your dorm if it was a good thing that we broke up, and you responded with a large ‘Yes’ and a small ‘No.’ Then, it became clear to me that I should consider that as that. Some nights, I would lie in my bed and feel a slight pang of pain directly into my heart, and it was still you. I sound ridiculous.
I should start dating, you think? Maybe that’s what helped you feel better. And someone I potentially like fortunately thinks of the same way and maybe it could result to a date. I don’t know but I’ll give it a try. And see If I fall and love differently.
But you are better than him. A hundred percent way better. But settling for less is maybe what I deserve.
And that girl you like, she likes you too. You definitely should try.
We could have worked, you know? If one of us would just try and fight, and know what we want and be sure of what we feel. You know that you could always come back, you know that. But both of us walked away.